Q & A With the Author

In your new book, What You Don’t Know and Your Boss Won’t Tell You, you observe that few bosses today are willing to tackle the complex social issues that are critical to a colleague’s success within an organization. Why are so few bosses seemingly not interested in or unwilling to have an open dialogue about the careers of the people they manage?

"In today’s 'lean' organizations, there are just not enough people to do all the work that needs to get done in our global, 24/7, always-connected environment. Therefore, everyone is so stretched, they are not focused on training colleagues or subordinates.

Managers are judged on performance, meaning the output of their department, and any downtime devoted to training just reduces the output and puts the managers' performance – and his or her own job – at risk."

You interviewed 35 senior women – partners in law, investment banking, consulting, and accounting firms, as well as women at vice president or higher levels in media, technology, biotechnology, and manufacturing – for this remarkable career guide. Why did you decide to have these executives speak off the record?

"The reason the book is not-for-attribution is I wanted people to be completely candid. Do you really think executives would talk about when to decide to leave a company or how to fend off an unwanted pass if they thought their comments might be linked to them on paper? The answer is no, so I went for honesty."

Is this a woman’s book? What can men in business learn from your book?

"Probably 90% of the book is good corporate advice, but the chapter on creating a professional appearance uses women’s clothes as the example and managing work and family is from the point of view of the primary parent, who is most often the woman.

Men in business can benefit from all the basic advice: managing your career, communicating your ideas, interacting with bosses, colleagues and clients, the rules of business travel, etc."

Do you believe gender biases are still at work in business organizations today?

"I do think biases still exist, and although they are more subtle than they used to be, they can add up over time to derail a career. For example, women in professional services firms need to be sure they get staffed on the 'right' accounts. There are also many unintended consequences of companies trying to 'help' women. Some companies do not offer women jobs with heavy travel, assuming they are doing the women a favor. However, this may be keeping women from getting critical customer experience. Women themselves often pursue careers in support roles which may not be a pool of talent for senior management positions. One woman said she worried that her company was so accommodating after she had her baby that they were going to accommodate her right off the fast track. You need to watch out for yourself and don’t assume the assistance the company is giving you to balance work and family will be good for your career in the long run."

Will women coming out of business schools today confront a glass ceiling?

"Women coming out of business school today need to make tough career decisions and be as demanding of their employers as their male counterparts. Think about where you want to go in your career and make sure you get the experience you need to be successful – even if it isn’t always easy."

Are senior executives and members of the boards of directors less willing to acknowledge these issues today?

"I think senior executives and boards of directors seriously want women in senior positions, but there is very little tolerance for on-the-job training at senior levels in today’s lean environment. You need to get broad experience early to be considered for senior management roles later in your career."

What is the best advice you can give someone about actively managing your own career? How can employees make sure their work is noticed by others?

"Think about where you want to go and how to get there. Be active in managing your career, not passive.

The way to get noticed is to let people know what you are doing. It does not have to be obnoxious, but say 'I learned a great deal when I was working on X project' or 'Did you know that…?' "

In What You Don’t Know and Your Boss Won’t Tell You, you observe that good communication requires a focused and concise message. Why do you feel women are so often at a disadvantage when it comes to the essentials of strong communications? What are the most common mistakes women make when it comes to communicating?

"I don’t think it is just women who are not good at communicating. Many people are less clear than they should be and increasing use of email and text messaging does not help develop good writing skills. We all should think twice before we send an email or leave a voice mail.

Many women want to tell you the entire story and most times people just want the executive summary. I always try to remember the KISS principle – Keep It Simple. That is shorthand for get to the point."

How can someone learn to cultivate a style and manner that creates a positive, professional impression, one that gets noticed and conveys authority and creativity?

"Look the part. Dress up to the next level. Act confidently. I am 5 ft. 2 in. but I always feel 6 ft. tall – believe it, and act like it, and it’s true."

What advice can you give someone looking to balance a successful career with a strong commitment to family?

"Every mother is a working woman – some of us just work outside the home. We read a lot about a small subset of women who have the economic ability to leave the workforce. Most women do not have the choice of whether or not to work: they need to work to help pay the mortgage on a house in a town with a good school system, or buy their children clothes, or help support aging parents. Why should these women feel guilty that they are creating a better life for their family and themselves?

We tend to think of all the difficulties of managing work and family, but having kids can be very good for your career development. Working mothers are incredible time managers. You also learn patience you never thought possible. I always said that after managing a two year old with a temper tantrum, I could deal with any difficult personnel problem. Kids let you put your job in perspective. One older working woman once said to me, 'What can they do to you – take away your children?'

I also think children learn a lot from working mothers. Children understand the value of a strong work ethic from an early age. They develop self-reliance because working parents usually give children real chores to do. When they hear you talk about the ups and downs of your job they realize that life isn’t always perfect. Working mothers are a role model to both their daughters and their sons. If you aren’t married, look for a man who had a working mother – he probably knows how to do laundry, cook and clean up."

What advice can you give to working mothers who feel guilty?

"For mothers who feel guilty, you need a support group. I know you have no time, but create a virtual support group and be sure you have the phone numbers and email addresses of other working mothers with kids who are willing to talk to you. I recently got a phone call from a friend who was having terrible child care problems and talked to her on her entire drive into work to assure her that she was not going crazy. She just needed to replace her nanny since it was not a good fit. You need people outside work that you can complain to. Preferably these people have been through it ahead of you and can let you know you will survive your latest crisis."

What advice would you give someone who has difficulty controlling his or her emotions on the job?

"Crying at work is not acceptable. You need to learn to control your emotions. If you are going into a stressful situation, do some scenario planning. What is the worst that can happen? If you are prepared emotionally for a bad outcome, then you should be able to manage it without getting too emotional.

If you do feel yourself getting upset and think you might cry, then excuse yourself and come back later when you have more control."

How can younger employees deal with unwanted attention from senior people?

"The first thing to try is to gracefully say that you are not interested. Second, stay out of situations that could lead to embarrassing situations. Don’t go for a drink or dinner. If someone you work with wants to spend time with you, suggest breakfast. Very few people make passes over breakfast.

If neither of those two tactics works, you then need to be more direct in your rejection. If it gets threatening in any way, go to a senior person in your department or HR, not a peer. You need to talk to someone in authority who can make sure the person does not bother you again."

In What You Don’t Know and Your Boss Won’t Tell You, you offer advice on developing a career strategy plan. What are the most important questions someone needs to address in order to make sure his or her career is on track?

"Are you getting the experience you need to progress in your career?

If not, how can you get it? Is there on-the-job training inside the company or any formal training programs that would increase your skills?

Are you getting the visibility you need inside the company to be considered for promotion? If not, how can you get more visibility?

Don’t get off the fast track too early. Early in a career is when you should seriously consider working long hours and taking on extra responsibility. Make the investment in your career and you will benefit from it later.

Ask yourself if people from your department or in your position get promoted to senior management. If not, get into another department or position where you have upward mobility.

If you feel trapped in a position or do not feel you are appreciated, consider leaving the company. Everyone can be successful somewhere. It is up to you to find the best organization for you."